Once again, we are delighted to see our Olympic and Paralympic teams announced and excited to see how they fare on the biggest stage in the world.
Sixteen team members and reserves will be travelling to Paris for the competition of their lives. Of course, some have already had the experience of representing Australia at the Games, and some are newbies.
All have had a single focus over the preceding months, or longer, to get on the team. All have given up other opportunities, family events, work and much more in order to get there. But spare a thought for the many (probably over 100) people who also put all else aside and did their utmost to get on that team, but have not made it.

Jayden Brown will be heading to his first Olympic Games this year. Image by Boots & Hooves Photography.
Now, I won’t say they failed, because I hope they all succeeded in achieving their best performances, or they learned important things or that there were other good outcomes. But it may be that they are feeling that they have failed to achieve the goal of their Olympic or Paralympic dream.
Some will have found that their horse was injured or had some veterinary problem. We all know that one of the most important things is to have a sound horse at the end of the selection. Over the years many combinations have become Olympians or Paralympians because someone better qualified was not a sound combination at the crucial time. Some riders were injured. There are probably 100 stories of the people who almost became Olympians or Paralympians. Some riders will have regrets about moments where they did not ride well enough, or made a mistake.
In fact, we all have to contend with failure, or lack of success. From my very first show as a five-year-old (going back nearly 60 years) when I fell off my Shetland pony, Midge, in the ring, until the most recent show I did where I got an awful score in the Grand Prix, I have snatched defeat from the hands of victory over and over again. I have had a lot of practice at coping with failure. Even with all the practice I have had it’s still difficult to deal with it. I expect all of you who compete have had plenty of practice too.

Kerry Mack aged three and her first pony Midge.
“If you focus on failure,
it will bring you down.”
LEARN FROM THE GREATS
The mighty Roger Federer lost 46 per cent of his games. Each time he lost a point or a game or a match, he bounced back. Michael Jordan, perhaps the greatest basketball ever, said: “I have failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed”. If you focus on failure, it will bring you down.
Some very famous people have failed spectacularly before they succeeded. American fashion designer Vera Wang knows the disappointment of missing out on Olympic selection. She won the US national figure skating championships, but was not selected for the team for the Winter Olympics in France. In the aftermath she went to Paris to study and then changed direction to fashion and has a $650 million fashion business.
Thomas Edison is famous for, among other things, inventing the electric light globe – but before he succeeded he famously said, “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. And then he solved it.
So, what will help you survive failure?
Firstly, just make a space to feel the feelings. Disappointment, sadness, anger… just notice whatever feelings are there. Accept that it feels awful. No matter how awful you feel, it will pass. Express your feelings. Feelings that are expressed and understood will ease. Talk to someone about what you feel. Don’t avoid your feelings by using alcohol, drugs, prescribed medication, binge eating or avoidance as these won’t help. Alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse. Although a glass of bubbly raised with friends to celebrate the fact you tried is okay, in my view.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
Be kind to yourself (and anyone else involved). There is no point in beating yourself up for perceived misdeeds or mistakes. You gave it a crack, you lived to tell the tale. Take time to take care of yourself. Maybe a little holiday or an outing to a favourite place. Spend time at the beach, or otherwise in nature. That is calming. Have a massage.
When you are over the initial disappointment, take time to take stock. Find perspective. It is a first world problem to fail at sport, a privilege to have problems like this, even though it hurts so much. I am fond of remembering that, if the worst thing that happens to you is you ride a bad dressage test, then you have a pretty good life.
Remember that failure is a sign that you have challenged yourself to do something difficult. Find a way to take a growth mindset, to believe that you can improve. What can you learn from your efforts? What can you improve? Own any contribution you made to your failure, so that you can address the problem and improve, not so you beat yourself up over it.
Refocus on your dream. Maybe come back to basics and remember what motivates you in the first place. Why do you ride? What do you love? For me that means remembering my love for my horses, my enjoyment in them every day, the excitement I have when I see them becoming more confident, stronger athletes, when I have a breakthrough in the training. If I have a big fail these days, I give myself a week or so not riding, and then just start with something that is fun. I don’t keep drilling the thing that failed. Back to basics, no pressure on either of us. Just do things that we are both happy and confident with so we can enjoy the ride. After a while I inevitably start to look forwards to the next competition.
GET SMART
The next thing of course is to set the next SMART goals. Remember them? Goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timebound. For me that is qualifying for Equitana, which is my favourite event because everyone is there, all the different aspects of equestrian activities. It’s great fun and I always learn something. So I have to do the training to fix the problem (tension in the walk to passage transition) and get back to compete in time to qualify.

Kerry Mack competing at Equitana with stallion Mayfield Pzazz in 2015. Image by Michelle Terlato
So that brings us to GRIT. Angela Duckworth, psychologist, defined grit as a capacity for “perseverance and passion for long-term goals”. She saw grit as a personality trait. Grit was a better predictor of success than talent. Those Olympians and Paralympians are generally people with grit, the ability to bounce back, to persevere. The passion they have for the long-term goal keeps them in the game. I think riders are generally passionate about their sport. We can compete over very many years and can only persist if we have the passion. Horses have aroused the passion of humans for at least 17,000 years since the first beautiful paintings of horses were done in the Lascaux Cave in France. Horses have always symbolised freedom, strength and power. We are lucky that it is so easy to be passionate about horses. It helps us have grit.
So, I would encourage you to be passionate about your sport, celebrate your success as it is hard won. And learn to be resilient in the face of failure as it can be the foundation of success. As Robert Kennedy said, “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly”. Another American, Denis Waitley said, “failure should be our teacher… it is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can only avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing”.
Pity the keyboard warriors who avoid their own failure by being nothing – and ignore them.
Dare greatly.
Have fun. EQ
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ BY KERRY MACK:
How to Recognise Concussion – Equestrian Life, June 2024
A Life Worth Living – Equestrian Life, May 2024
Earning Our ‘Social Licence’ – Equestrian Life, April 2024
What Does Welfare Really Mean? – Equestrian Life, March 2024
A Masterclass with Vanessa Way – Equestrian Life, January/February 2024
Play it Safe From the Ground Up – Equestrian Life, December 2023
The Joy of Raising Foals – Equestrian Life, November 2023
Perfecting the Short Side – Equestrian Life, October 2023
The Subtle Art of Suppleness – Equestrian Life, September 2023
Perfecting The Pirouettes – Equestrian Life, August 2023
Get In The Zone & Go With The Flow – Equestrian Life, July 2023
How to Resolve Common Problems – Equestrian Life, June 2023
A Smarter Way to Compete – Equestrian Life, May 2023
What Motivates Me – Equestrian Life, March 2023
More Than a Walk in the Park – Equestrian Life, February 2023
Scott Keach Makes His Own Luck – Equestrian Life, December 2022
No Room for Bullying in Our Sport – Equestrian Life, November 2022
Avoid the Mud (Play Indoors) – Equestrian Life, October 2022
Why We Love Our Sport – Equestrian Life, September 2022
Getting on the Bit – Equestrian Life, July 2022
Positive Training Really Clicks with Horses – Equestrian Life, June 2022
Learn From Your Mistakes – Equestrian Life, March 2022 issue
Young Horse Classes: A Fun Launching Pad – Equestrian Life, February 2022
Making Sense of all the Bits & Pieces – Equestrian Life, January 2022
The Secret to ‘Soft Hands‘ – Equestrian Life, December 2021
Ask Less, Reward More – Equestrian Life, October 2021
So You Want To Go To The Games? – Equestrian Life, September 2021
The Ins & Outs Of Bitless Bridles – Equestrian Life, July 2021
Taking The Plunge With The Lunge – Equestrian Life, June 2021
Dressage for Showjumpers – Equestrian Life, May 2021
23 Shoulder-In Exercises to Improve Your Horse – Equestrian Life, April 2021
Understanding Your Horse’s Inner Thoughts – Equestrian Life, March 2021
Make the Most of Your Seniority – Equestrian Life, February 2021
Building Better Relationships – Equestrian Life, January 2021
Whipping Up Controversy – Equestrian Life, December 2020
The Importance of a Trusting Relationship – Equestrian Life, November 2020
Welcome to Kindergarten for Foals – Equestrian Life, October 2020
The Carrot or the Liquorice? Positive Reinforcement – Equestrian Life, September 2020
Submission or Stress? Something to Chew On – Equestrian Life, August 2020
A Relaxed Horse is a Happy Horse – Equestrian Life, July 2020
The Literate Horse Rider – Equestrian Life, June 2020
Why Horses Love Ingrid Klimke – Equestrian Life, May 2020